that level of hot where taking your clothes off doesn’t even make a difference
Typical day at the doctor...
Doctor: is there any chance you might be pregnant?
Doctor: how do you know that?
Me: I don't have sex with men.
Doctor: ...that's a pretty good reason.
I have to go to bed soon
and it’s only 9:00. Extra orientation to meet the doctor who follows the patients at the nursing home where I work. I’ve heard he’s ridiculous.
lovelettersfromhogwarts: i-have-the-suds: one time my parents were gone for the weekend so i took everything in the house and moved it five inches to the left. it was subtle enough that it wasn’t obvious but they felt like something was off when they got back and they kept bumping into the corners of tables and couches i am a cruel man
I couldn’t remember how many garlic fingers I’d eaten, so I figured I should eat a couple more to be safe. Then I stood up and realized I probably should have stopped before.
"Florence Welch has sustained a vocal injury."
asideeffectoflife: delikatny: Cake or collar bones dry thinning hair?? Pizza or a thigh gap dry peeling skin?? Ice cream or hip bones dull eyes?? Food or a nice body death?? Think before you eat encourage others to throw their lives away by posting your pro-ana shit all over the internet where vulnerable naive teenagers can read and imitate your illness. or trigger those in recovery.
tired. very very tired.
omg seriously pads and tampons should be free to all women because it’s not something we want to buy and they’re so ridiculously expensive we’re down like 20 bucks every month which adds to about $240 a year and we have to spend it and guys don’t and it’s not our fault so they should be free we should just stop buying them and bleed on everything they love
How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If...
*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Man: Fuck you, slut.
I think she's sleeping for real
we were just joking about her falling asleep right where she was, and now she’s asleep